Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything.
-Father Arrupe
You know, it's crazy: the second you decide your life is going okay, things start to hit the fan. And I'm thinking "Who am I that I should be so important that the Enemy not only feels the need to keep an eye on me, but also to send his minions to try and destroy my joy every time I find even the littlest bit of it?" I mean, really. The power of God is overwhelming so of course the Enemy would try to squash that, but I'm just....me. I struggle and fall and disappoint enough on my own, why does it seem to be so important to the Enemy that he can't give me the smallest inch.
So here's what's up: I'm moving at the end of the month, which is great news. My current place is in the ghetto and too expensive! So I'm moving across town into my friend Kat's cute townhouse for a way more reasonable rate of rent. The bad news is that my crazy landlord is trying to charge me to replace all the carpets, which isn't happening and they can kiss my butt, and to top it off, someone from my leasing office basically went into my apartment without my permission and went through my stuff on Monday AND stole a roll of quarters off of my table. So there's that. Also, I lost a stone out of my FAVORITE garnet ring. I can get it repaired but it will take 2 or more weeks and cost as much as the ring did in the first place. :( My cat has been puking for two days, poor baby. I feel so bad for him. I'm super short handed at work and also our server has been hit by lightning, so we're three days behind on everything. Oh, and the icing on the cake: I am just getting over a UTI. Good times.
Basically, ladies and gents, it has been an adventure this week (and it's only WEDNESDAY).
BUT here's the good news: I had a pretty stressful Monday, but God has given me some awesome people to lean on and vent to when I need them. They should be commended for putting up with me when I'm whiny and pouty like that. ;) So thanks, Good Friends (and one in particular) for being my crutches. I appreciate you!
I also had the opportunity to go to two of three days of this amazing seminar on Ignatius's rules of Spiritual Discernment, and because of that, I have a better and more positive take on the crappiness that has been my week. I realize that ESPECIALLY when you don't feel like it, those are the times to praise and thank God, because faith is not about feeling good all the time and treating God like a vending machine.
"Do you love ME or do you love my gifts?" -God might ask something like this
So I'm working on learning to love God as an action, not an emotion. So today I am loving God by going to Daily Mass and Adoration to spend some time with Him in prayer even though I'm not really 'Feeling' God with me right now.
As an old youth pastor of mine used to say "Act your way to a feeling, don't feel your way to actions."
And definitely, folks, check out Ignatius and his awesome insights on Spiritual discernment.
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