Thursday, December 23, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Things I would like for people, ESPECIALLY men, to know about courtesy
After conversing with three of my nearest and dearest gal pals in the past few days and reflecting on what we've chatted about, I have a few things I'd like to put out into the ether:
1. It is common courtesy when making plans with another person to both REMEMBER that you've made them and also follow through on actually doing whatever it is you have planned to do. If unable to follow through, the decent thing to do is to notify the other party or parties immediately upon learning that you will be unable to do what you have planned. You know, people make fun of me for making lists and for overpreparing things, and fine--there are definitely times I could relax a bit. HOWEVER, if you're someone I've taken the time to make plans with, it's because you're important to me or the thing we're meeting about or doing is important. So when I take the time to confirm plans with you, it's because I am genuinely looking forward to the thing we're supposed to do. Consequently, when you fail to either keep our plans or notify me of the changes, it makes me feel devalued. If I were a priority to you, you would have found the time and courtesy to either keep the plans or notify me. Also, for men who want to be dating women: when you are wishy-washy and non-committal in your planning, it makes you appear less trustworthy. Just a heads up.
2. Gifts: we all know that it is the thought that counts. ESPECIALLY in romantic settings. However, there comes a point in adult relationships that a gift card just becomes insulting. A gift card says "I haven't paid enough attention to you to know what you'd actually like" OR "Eh, you do it. I can't be bothered." A gift could cost you nothing and take you a few hours to make and be more loved and valued than a $200 necklace. At some point "You're hard to shop for" becomes a bullshit cop out.
3. If you like someone romantically, then you FUCKING make time for them. Do not expect someone to make you a priority in their life when they are a convenience or an option in yours. Turnabout is fair play and you get what you give.
4. Being a good person and making good choices does not guarantee that you will be happy or get what you deserve. EVERYONE should keep this in mind, especially if you're someone who currently happens to be happy and in love and are friends with people who are not. Those of us who aren't currently happily ensconced in lovey-dovey land are VERY happy for you. We are your friends and we love you. But please remember, our entire lives and our relationships with you will not suddenly REVOLVE around your new boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancee, husband, or wife. If you and I were friends before your honey bunny came into the picture, and you'd like to keep that friendship, I highly recommend that you remember to periodically ask about ME and MY life and that every time we DO talk about my life it's not an opportunity for you to say things like "you're such a great catch, I know you'll meet someone amazing and then we can double date!" I do not want either your false reassurances OR your underhanded attempt to bring the conversation back to you.
5. I will make mistakes in my dating life. I've made some EPIC ones previously and I'm almost certain to make more. I'm glad we're close enough for you to be honest with me and tell me what you think about my situation, but realize that at the end of the day, I will make whatever choice I decide to make with or without your approval. I'm the one who has to go home with me when the night is over and live with what I've done, not you. So if I go out on a thin limb or swing for the fence on a longshot, then keep your mouth shut on the sidelines unless it's to cheer me on. And if I fall on my face or humiliate myself, then yes, friend, I expect you to grab me an ice pack, and bring over a bottle of wine and a funny movie. It's the LEAST you can do since I know you'll be doing the 'I told you so' tapdance sooner or later.
6. Men, get your shit together. Women, you get your shit together, too. At some point we all need to stop expecting perfection from each other. We are real people, warts and all, and this clip from Dan Savage is possibly one of the most accurate things I have EVER come across regarding relationships.
So here are my five or less things that I think for me are legitimate deal breakers in a relationship:
1. If you ever hurt me on purpose, either blatantly or by your total thoughtlessness. This includes your apathy, which is worse than your fist.
And that's it. Honestly, after thinking about this for two days, that's the ONLY unforgivable thing I can think of.
1. It is common courtesy when making plans with another person to both REMEMBER that you've made them and also follow through on actually doing whatever it is you have planned to do. If unable to follow through, the decent thing to do is to notify the other party or parties immediately upon learning that you will be unable to do what you have planned. You know, people make fun of me for making lists and for overpreparing things, and fine--there are definitely times I could relax a bit. HOWEVER, if you're someone I've taken the time to make plans with, it's because you're important to me or the thing we're meeting about or doing is important. So when I take the time to confirm plans with you, it's because I am genuinely looking forward to the thing we're supposed to do. Consequently, when you fail to either keep our plans or notify me of the changes, it makes me feel devalued. If I were a priority to you, you would have found the time and courtesy to either keep the plans or notify me. Also, for men who want to be dating women: when you are wishy-washy and non-committal in your planning, it makes you appear less trustworthy. Just a heads up.
2. Gifts: we all know that it is the thought that counts. ESPECIALLY in romantic settings. However, there comes a point in adult relationships that a gift card just becomes insulting. A gift card says "I haven't paid enough attention to you to know what you'd actually like" OR "Eh, you do it. I can't be bothered." A gift could cost you nothing and take you a few hours to make and be more loved and valued than a $200 necklace. At some point "You're hard to shop for" becomes a bullshit cop out.
3. If you like someone romantically, then you FUCKING make time for them. Do not expect someone to make you a priority in their life when they are a convenience or an option in yours. Turnabout is fair play and you get what you give.
4. Being a good person and making good choices does not guarantee that you will be happy or get what you deserve. EVERYONE should keep this in mind, especially if you're someone who currently happens to be happy and in love and are friends with people who are not. Those of us who aren't currently happily ensconced in lovey-dovey land are VERY happy for you. We are your friends and we love you. But please remember, our entire lives and our relationships with you will not suddenly REVOLVE around your new boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancee, husband, or wife. If you and I were friends before your honey bunny came into the picture, and you'd like to keep that friendship, I highly recommend that you remember to periodically ask about ME and MY life and that every time we DO talk about my life it's not an opportunity for you to say things like "you're such a great catch, I know you'll meet someone amazing and then we can double date!" I do not want either your false reassurances OR your underhanded attempt to bring the conversation back to you.
5. I will make mistakes in my dating life. I've made some EPIC ones previously and I'm almost certain to make more. I'm glad we're close enough for you to be honest with me and tell me what you think about my situation, but realize that at the end of the day, I will make whatever choice I decide to make with or without your approval. I'm the one who has to go home with me when the night is over and live with what I've done, not you. So if I go out on a thin limb or swing for the fence on a longshot, then keep your mouth shut on the sidelines unless it's to cheer me on. And if I fall on my face or humiliate myself, then yes, friend, I expect you to grab me an ice pack, and bring over a bottle of wine and a funny movie. It's the LEAST you can do since I know you'll be doing the 'I told you so' tapdance sooner or later.
6. Men, get your shit together. Women, you get your shit together, too. At some point we all need to stop expecting perfection from each other. We are real people, warts and all, and this clip from Dan Savage is possibly one of the most accurate things I have EVER come across regarding relationships.
So here are my five or less things that I think for me are legitimate deal breakers in a relationship:
1. If you ever hurt me on purpose, either blatantly or by your total thoughtlessness. This includes your apathy, which is worse than your fist.
And that's it. Honestly, after thinking about this for two days, that's the ONLY unforgivable thing I can think of.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Current Guilty Pleasure Musical LOVE
Thanks to Sylwia.
The artist? Gustav. A badass German chick with a macbook pro and a voice.
The song du jour? Total Quality Woman.
The artist? Gustav. A badass German chick with a macbook pro and a voice.
The song du jour? Total Quality Woman.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Hockey Honey
This is the hott cartoon version of me. As a Pens fan. Tied to a hockey stick.
Rob Ullman is a talented dude.
Rob Ullman is a talented dude.
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