I think I heard in a movie once that sometimes it's easier to know who you aren't than who you are.
I am not:
where I thought I would be ten years ago.
gainfully employed.
unhappy.
happy.
always as kind as I could be.
always able to stand up for myself when people cross lines.
somebody's person.
satisfied.
living a life that is boring.
predictable.
as wise as I think Iam.
the girl he chose.
foolish.
living in LA.
settling.
throwing in the towel.
I'm very much over 2009. I learned more than most and I have the scars to prove it. I've watched people I care for go through a lot of crap. I've been handed my share of that crap, too. I've gone on a very great adventure and met some amazing people, so I will never regret 2009. I simply cannot say that I am sad to see it go.
Here's hoping for health and wellness and some goddamn JOY in 2010 for me, you, and every good person who got shafted this last year.
No resolutions. Just.............peace and joy.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
White Christmas
Anybody want a snowball?
The fenceline at the back of the family property
The wind made these really beautiful swirls and drifts
Round bales of wheat sitting at the edge of the farm
More bales of wheat
The road in front of our house
My step dad's old 18WheelerThese are just a random few pics that I took today during my one hour romp in the lovely snow!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
the free headboard project
random old ceiling tile.
old piece of batting.
old piece of black fabric.
white paint from craft paint box.
old piece of red fabric.
scissors.
spray adhesive.
45 minutes later?
Queen Size Bed wall art/headboard thingy. Hey, works in a pinch.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sometimes Lyrics are Perfect.
Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause i cant continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times
My memory is cruelIm queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn i'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only i had been listening
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and meAlways between the lines
Between the lines
I thought i thought i was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So i've learned to listen through silence
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me be
You and me always be
I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me i'm almost readyWhen he meant let go
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and meAlways beYou and me
Always between the lines
-Sara Bareilles, Between the Lines.
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause i cant continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times
My memory is cruelIm queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn i'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only i had been listening
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and meAlways between the lines
Between the lines
I thought i thought i was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So i've learned to listen through silence
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me be
You and me always be
I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me i'm almost readyWhen he meant let go
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and meAlways beYou and me
Always between the lines
-Sara Bareilles, Between the Lines.
Monday, December 14, 2009
For Steve
I don't even care: I would still TOTALLY shop here.
I would only eat here for the sheer hilarity.
Why yes, that IS a pimped out reindeer ride.
A: someone made this sticker. B: someone shimmied up a pole to put it here. Welcome to Claremont.
Yeah..........took me a minute to figure this one out......Monday, December 7, 2009
Emo Ramble
You ever have a realization about your life that punches you in the gut?
Yeah.
27.
Trying to figure out what's broken. What's wrong with me?
Rhetorical.
Home in ten days.
Yeah.
27.
Trying to figure out what's broken. What's wrong with me?
Rhetorical.
Home in ten days.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Intentions
I've been thinking about what it means when someone says something like "I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention."
So what are intentions? The free dictionary says that an intention is a course of action you intend to follow; an aim that guides an action.
Okay, then. So your intentions are the target that you are aiming for. So when someone says to you "I'm sorry you were hurt, that's not what I was aiming for" the question becomes, what were you aiming for?
And does it even matter?
Murder without premeditation does not leave the victim any less dead. So why are the penalties automatically lessened when murder wasn't your intention? Isn't a life lost either way? Sure, that's an extremest point of view, but what I'm getting to is this:
Intentions are only as good as your omniscience. If you are not all knowing, all seeing, and all present, your intentions are only guided by the tiny sliver of understanding that you have, usually only pertaining to yourself. Since you are unable to truly comprehend the impact you will have on another person, all intention, by the nature of human understanding, is selfish.
Therefore, the next time someone who has fucked up epically has the balls to actually say "I'm sorry you were hurt, that was never my intention," I firmly believe that person should be junk punched, after which the puncher should say "Oh, I'm sorry you were hurt. My intention was only to make myself feel better."
Bitter? Maybe. But also funny as hell.
So what are intentions? The free dictionary says that an intention is a course of action you intend to follow; an aim that guides an action.
Okay, then. So your intentions are the target that you are aiming for. So when someone says to you "I'm sorry you were hurt, that's not what I was aiming for" the question becomes, what were you aiming for?
And does it even matter?
Murder without premeditation does not leave the victim any less dead. So why are the penalties automatically lessened when murder wasn't your intention? Isn't a life lost either way? Sure, that's an extremest point of view, but what I'm getting to is this:
Intentions are only as good as your omniscience. If you are not all knowing, all seeing, and all present, your intentions are only guided by the tiny sliver of understanding that you have, usually only pertaining to yourself. Since you are unable to truly comprehend the impact you will have on another person, all intention, by the nature of human understanding, is selfish.
Therefore, the next time someone who has fucked up epically has the balls to actually say "I'm sorry you were hurt, that was never my intention," I firmly believe that person should be junk punched, after which the puncher should say "Oh, I'm sorry you were hurt. My intention was only to make myself feel better."
Bitter? Maybe. But also funny as hell.
La la land, gingerbread, sweaters
Gingerbread Village
Architects at work...
Jess and Luna on Acid
Jess and Marci in line for New Moon!!
Celebrating after Marci's first meeting with her producer! At the Elephant Bar
Interesting Mural in Old Pasadena's Forever 21
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