Monday, August 31, 2009
Broadway
I've had the best night hanging out with Marci. She's this amazing singer/songwriter and we literally just goofed around and jammed for ever.
And after watching several youtube performances of The Lion King and listening to The Last 5 Years (my favorite Musical EVER) I've realized that I really miss acting and singing.
Marci and I pinkie swore: for every open mic she plays, I go on one audition and vice versa. We'll see how long that lasts. ;-)
In other news, we're not having an easy time finding a church home here.... :( but we're hopeful! Keep us in your prayers...
Joy Williams - I'm in Love With You *she wrote it about the first morning she woke up after she got married* Why is it that some of the simplest and most beautiful things can make me feel both sentimental and lonely all at once? Great song, though. Great song.
And after watching several youtube performances of The Lion King and listening to The Last 5 Years (my favorite Musical EVER) I've realized that I really miss acting and singing.
Marci and I pinkie swore: for every open mic she plays, I go on one audition and vice versa. We'll see how long that lasts. ;-)
In other news, we're not having an easy time finding a church home here.... :( but we're hopeful! Keep us in your prayers...
Joy Williams - I'm in Love With You *she wrote it about the first morning she woke up after she got married* Why is it that some of the simplest and most beautiful things can make me feel both sentimental and lonely all at once? Great song, though. Great song.
Friday, August 28, 2009
The Getty
We went to the Getty today.
I am in love.
These were my absolute favorite paintings of the day. Keep in mind that the digital reproductions in NO WAY do these amazing works justice.
1. The Coronation of the Virgin - Fabriano
*what you can't see in the digital version is the warm, brilliant sheen of the paint and the fact that the entire piece is intricately carved as well as painted. There is a similar feeling here as one would find in a Klimpt.
2. The Holy Family - Follower of Bernard van Orley
*The perspective and architectural detail of this piece is stunning.
3. Head of a Woman - Michael Sweerts
*you would swear she was about to talk to you, she looks so dynamically realistic. She even has a tear sheen painted over her eyes that actually seems to glisten a bit.
4. Shipping in a Calm at Flushing with a State's General Yacht Firing a Salute - Jan van de Cappelle
*This piece has PERFECT scale and proportion and the detail is incredible. It's clean, precise, and somehow, still romantic.
5. A Wooded Landscape with Travelers on a Path through a Hamlet - Hobberna
6. The Abduction of Europa - Rembrandt
* you really must see this in real life. the gold reflections are amazing.
7. The Portal of Rouen Cathedra. in th Morning Light - Monet
8. The Bridge over the Water-Lily Pond - Monet
9. Portrait of Jeanne Kefer - Fernand Khnopff
10. The Farewell of Talemikis and Eucharus - Jaques Louis David
*This is Marci's favorite painting. It's beautiful Even with the goat. 
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Milestones
These are two pics of the Co-Cathedral of St. Thomas More in Tallahassee. I feel at home and peacef just looking at these.
This is the tattoo that I got on my 21st Birthday with my best friend, Jill. I had the green star added a couple of weeks ago at Solid Ink in Tallahassee in honor of my four years there. Location: right shoulder blade.
My take on the green star is this: sometimes life changes you HUGELY through experience. God sends people in and out of our lives who will permanently alter us. Some for the better, some not. Some experiences will hurt. Sometimes you will battle your way back to the surface. My time in Tallahassee was a reminder to "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." And eventually, I broke the surface. I'm an excellent swimmer.
After gulping that nice big breath of air, it was time to leave. I'd learned what Tallahassee had to teach me.
So after my week home, in Olustee, Oklahoma, I'm ready to hit the road again tomorrow and head to LA and start earning my next star. But for tonight, I'm enjoying my mom's cookies, my amazing sky, and my last night of snuggling with my cat until Christmas.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
You CAN go home again...you just can't stay for too long
Family and Fish: after three days they stink.
This is usually the addage that I subscribe to when spending time with my family. It's not that I don't love them or they don't love me. We get along fine and we talk all thetime even when i'm not home.
We are simply very different people. We love and respect each other, my mom, brother, and I, but we don't always understand each other. Over time, it's just been an unspoken agreement that while I'm home, we are all on our best behavior and only deal with the good things.
I like it this way. This way works. And this time, in particular, it's working GREAT. So far, so good, anyway. This is the best visit home I've had in four years. I don't really know what's so different, but somehow, I think maybe the official lines have been drawn in the sand. I'm an adult. I'm out of school, I'm moving to LA to get a big girl job at a university, and *gasp* I'm paying for it myself. So the tone of the trip is different in that respect, I suppose.
PLUS, I'm having a GREAT time with some old friends. It's weird how some people stay with you forever and other people fall away.
The older I get, the more I TREASURE and VALUE old friends and true friends. And when you have one that is both old and true, DO NOT LET THAT PERSON OUT OF YOUR LIFE. It's tough to find people who REALLY know you. They know where you came from, have seen it first hand, and know you for who you are today. There's power in that kind of bond. Learn to respect it and take very good care of it.
*sigh* And Saturday, I hit the road to start my next adventure: Los Angeles, here I come!! Now let's hope that the city doesn't spit me out.
And in a city that big, let's hope for dating, fun, and the feeling of knowing you matter to someone.
This is usually the addage that I subscribe to when spending time with my family. It's not that I don't love them or they don't love me. We get along fine and we talk all thetime even when i'm not home.
We are simply very different people. We love and respect each other, my mom, brother, and I, but we don't always understand each other. Over time, it's just been an unspoken agreement that while I'm home, we are all on our best behavior and only deal with the good things.
I like it this way. This way works. And this time, in particular, it's working GREAT. So far, so good, anyway. This is the best visit home I've had in four years. I don't really know what's so different, but somehow, I think maybe the official lines have been drawn in the sand. I'm an adult. I'm out of school, I'm moving to LA to get a big girl job at a university, and *gasp* I'm paying for it myself. So the tone of the trip is different in that respect, I suppose.
PLUS, I'm having a GREAT time with some old friends. It's weird how some people stay with you forever and other people fall away.
The older I get, the more I TREASURE and VALUE old friends and true friends. And when you have one that is both old and true, DO NOT LET THAT PERSON OUT OF YOUR LIFE. It's tough to find people who REALLY know you. They know where you came from, have seen it first hand, and know you for who you are today. There's power in that kind of bond. Learn to respect it and take very good care of it.
*sigh* And Saturday, I hit the road to start my next adventure: Los Angeles, here I come!! Now let's hope that the city doesn't spit me out.
And in a city that big, let's hope for dating, fun, and the feeling of knowing you matter to someone.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
You just left her there.
Dealing gracefully with heartbreak is impossible.
You can try. I mean, I know some women and men who have made TRULY valiant efforts to be gracious and kind throughout all sorts of terrible things. I, myself, pray for grace during those times so that I don't say or do anything that I might regret later on or that would hurt the other person. I always try to remember the saying "Lord, help my words to be sweet today, for tomorrow I may have to eat them!"
I also have this tendency to never stand up for myself and my own feelings. I think of great zingers to use after the phone call is over or the person has walked away. Sometimes I wish I could throw those verbal darts as things are happening, but then later, I suppose, I am grateful that I didn't for I'm sure I would feel terrible, would not really have meant what I said in anger, or just made an already awful situation even worse. So, instead of anger in the moment, I turn to melancholy.
To make a very looooooooong story as short as possible, my best friend on the planet broke my heart. Completely. About a week ago.
I'm so thankful for songs and music, because they say things poetically and harmonically that my heart feels. If you've never heard 'Almost Lover' by A Fine Frenzy, youtube it this instance. Seriously.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsWsasqIoyk
Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy
(The parts that apply)
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
See, my best friend was this amazing guy. Great sense of humor, almost too dorky but pulled it off okay, kind, consistent, and present. All of the things you want in a best friend.
And then something happened. Something exploded in his world and he became someone I don't know anymore.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I am unshakably, unfailingly loyal. I've lost a lot of important people and because of that, I fight HARD to keep the good ones around. I've spent the last few months fighting in every way I know how to make my friend and I 'okay' again.
But sometimes things break and can't be put back together again. People make choices, act on them, and say things that there is no coming back from.
And I feel hollow.
I miss my friend. But my friend, as I knew him, is gone. And there's this other guy who has been wearing his face around, and when I see him, it breaks my heart.
So yes, everyone, I'm hesitant to be certain places or attend certain events this weekend. But can you blame me? So many of you shook your heads at us for so long. "Guys and girls can't be friends" you'd chime. Does this prove you all right? I don't know. I really don't. In my heart, I still think-still WANT- for it to be possible. But this particular guy and this particular girl? No, I don't think they can be. So you were right.
AND NOW I HAVE TO BE THE GIRL WHO STANDS IN A ROOMFUL OF PEOPLE AND PRETEND MY HEART'S NOT BREAKING BECAUSE WHAT RIGHT HAVE I TO REACT LIKE THAT? IT'S NOT LIKE HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND.
But it's worse.
And I almost wish he and I HAD dated, but not for the reasons you might think. It's just that, there's a social precedent for that, for 'breaking up.' People respect it and understand it, and frankly, I'm better equipped to handle it.
But what, pray tell me, does one do when your best friend, your family, chooses to walk away from you? I have no platform to stand on: it's not a breakup, it's not a divorce, it's not a death.....
what is it? I don't know. Painful. And confusing.
And so I turn to A Fine Frenzy.
And praise God for His timing. I canNOT wait to get to LA and put this MESS where it belongs...thousands of miles away.
You can try. I mean, I know some women and men who have made TRULY valiant efforts to be gracious and kind throughout all sorts of terrible things. I, myself, pray for grace during those times so that I don't say or do anything that I might regret later on or that would hurt the other person. I always try to remember the saying "Lord, help my words to be sweet today, for tomorrow I may have to eat them!"
I also have this tendency to never stand up for myself and my own feelings. I think of great zingers to use after the phone call is over or the person has walked away. Sometimes I wish I could throw those verbal darts as things are happening, but then later, I suppose, I am grateful that I didn't for I'm sure I would feel terrible, would not really have meant what I said in anger, or just made an already awful situation even worse. So, instead of anger in the moment, I turn to melancholy.
To make a very looooooooong story as short as possible, my best friend on the planet broke my heart. Completely. About a week ago.
I'm so thankful for songs and music, because they say things poetically and harmonically that my heart feels. If you've never heard 'Almost Lover' by A Fine Frenzy, youtube it this instance. Seriously.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsWsasqIoyk
Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy
(The parts that apply)
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
See, my best friend was this amazing guy. Great sense of humor, almost too dorky but pulled it off okay, kind, consistent, and present. All of the things you want in a best friend.
And then something happened. Something exploded in his world and he became someone I don't know anymore.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I am unshakably, unfailingly loyal. I've lost a lot of important people and because of that, I fight HARD to keep the good ones around. I've spent the last few months fighting in every way I know how to make my friend and I 'okay' again.
But sometimes things break and can't be put back together again. People make choices, act on them, and say things that there is no coming back from.
And I feel hollow.
I miss my friend. But my friend, as I knew him, is gone. And there's this other guy who has been wearing his face around, and when I see him, it breaks my heart.
So yes, everyone, I'm hesitant to be certain places or attend certain events this weekend. But can you blame me? So many of you shook your heads at us for so long. "Guys and girls can't be friends" you'd chime. Does this prove you all right? I don't know. I really don't. In my heart, I still think-still WANT- for it to be possible. But this particular guy and this particular girl? No, I don't think they can be. So you were right.
AND NOW I HAVE TO BE THE GIRL WHO STANDS IN A ROOMFUL OF PEOPLE AND PRETEND MY HEART'S NOT BREAKING BECAUSE WHAT RIGHT HAVE I TO REACT LIKE THAT? IT'S NOT LIKE HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND.
But it's worse.
And I almost wish he and I HAD dated, but not for the reasons you might think. It's just that, there's a social precedent for that, for 'breaking up.' People respect it and understand it, and frankly, I'm better equipped to handle it.
But what, pray tell me, does one do when your best friend, your family, chooses to walk away from you? I have no platform to stand on: it's not a breakup, it's not a divorce, it's not a death.....
what is it? I don't know. Painful. And confusing.
And so I turn to A Fine Frenzy.
And praise God for His timing. I canNOT wait to get to LA and put this MESS where it belongs...thousands of miles away.
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