This is one of my absolute all time favorite poems EVER. I go whole months without having it cross my mind, but sometimes, in a moment of rare true comfort, it's pleasant verses scroll through my brain....
When You Are Old and Grey
When you are old and grey and full of sleep
And nodding by the fire, take down this book
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace
And loved your beauty with a love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
-W.B. Yeats.
*Scrubs Sigh*
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Mental Picture
I flew to L.A. last week to pick up my car and belongings and drive back home, to Oklahoma, where I live once again.
The drive is gorgeous: down I-40 (which is old Rt. 66) and there are some amazing sights to see along the way. Trouble is, damn it, I forgot my camera.
The first place that made me really regret the forgetting was Union Station. Truly, one of the coolest places I saw in L.A. Since all of my friend who live there were still out of town for holiday, I decided I would be thrifty and take public transportation home rather than a VERY expensive taxi. This means I de-planed, caught the Flyaway (city bus) to Union Station, and then grabbed the Metro train to Claremont. Driving from LAX straight to our place in moderate traffic takes anywhere from 1hr to 1:45. In bad traffic, it takes 3 or more hours. It costs an average of $20 in gas. Using public transportation? It took me just under three hours, in RUSH HOUR, and cost me $24. Not bad, folks. PLUS, it was really fun people watching and relaxing while someone else got to cuss as the other drivers and pedestrians (bus driver) and I sat across the aisle from a really sweet midwestern lady visiting her sons on the train. So, after getting off the train in downtown Claremont, I called a Yellow Cab and had JUST enough time to hit up 21 Flavors, this GREAT fro-yo chain, where I snarfed a small Dutch Chocolate with strawberries, banana, and almonds before the driver arrived. All in all, a perfectly delightful trip home.....
and then it kind of hit me. I was only 'home' in Pomona for about the next 48 hrs, just as long as it took me to make sure my car would start, get it packed, and hit the road.
*sigh*
Okay, sure. L.A. will never feel like 'home' to me. But I liked it there. The culture, the people, the pulse of a city....I'm SO glad we lived in the suburbs, but even the 'burbs have a bit of a pulse...
And more than just missing the Getty and the Griffith, I knew I would really miss Marci and Luna and John and Becca and the school and the fabric store and Trader Joe's and the $.99 store and Ikea and Taco Tuesday with $6 movie night. This was my life and my place for half a year. And once again, because it seems to be the fate of artists never to be allowed to settle and make a decent living, I'm starting over. Or rather, because I'm moving home, it feels like I'm back to square one.
It's very bittersweet. But I am SO grateful for the opportunity to have spent that time in L.A. Boy, it was fun while it lasted!
So, with the car packed like a professional (yeah, I've done this a time or three) I hit the road!
The total drive was just over 1200 miles and my total driving time was about 15 hrs. Not too shabby ;-) and yes, I speed just a little.
I LOOOOVE the open road. I love to drive and listen to a good book or some music or just turn the radio off and think. Just...."be". I control it: how fast I go, how much I stop, where I stop, even where I'll end up.
And for weeks now, I've been saying how I was going to stop at the Grand Canyon, because it's only about an hour out of my way and I figured "hey, worth it!" But as I neared the turnoff, I realized something.
I don't want to see it alone.
To explain: I'm smart. I'm independant and pretty sturdy, I have been on my own for a number of years. I'm good at alone. I could, if I chose to, go to any number of dream locations by myself and probably have a damn nice time. But at the end of the day, cheesy or not, I want to have someone who matters to share those experiences with me. I want to hold the hand of someone I love and just stare out over the Canyon and breathe it in. That's how I CHOOSE to experience the Canyon. So, at that moment, in the car, it felt somehow like making that turn would be accepting the idea that everything good in life I would do alone. And just because I COULD do it all alone, doesn't mean I SHOULD do it all alone. And I certainly don't want to. So I inhaled the cold mountain air through the vent and let hope fill me up. With a smile, I drove right by the exit. The Grand Canyon? It's not going anywhere. Me? I have hope and faith that I'm headed in the right direction.
Spent the night in Gallup, NM. Could have driven on further, but I wanted to hit the road bright an early and experience New Mexico in the daylight. It's such a beautiful state. Checked in to my Motel 6, where they left the light on for me, ordered my pizza, checked my emails and then CRINGED as I realized I was being bombarded with the sounds of sex from one room over. Awkward. I turned on my TV and just hoped they were quick about it. It would be funnier, I guess, if this kind of thing didn't happen to me ALL the time. *sigh* But it is a little funny, I admit.
New Mexico the next morning had DEFINITELY been worth the wait! There was still a thin blanket of snow in some places and the ice crystals sparkled over the stones and cacti as I drove by them. It really was breathtaking.
I had lunch at a cafeteria and sat at an enormous table with a huge group of elderly tourists from New York State who were on a bus headed to Vegas. They were super charming and it's one of the better lunches of my life.
Stopped a ways down the road between Albuquerque and Tucumcari at a little gas station rest stop. I won $20 on the keno machine. I never win anything, and what's more, I have no idea how to play keno. I just pushed a bunch of buttons and then hit the one that was flashing. :-) I then bought some Vitamin Water (orange energy, because it's delicious) and took a short hike around the little scenic rest area. Again, I so wish I had remembered my camera! But alas, this trip is meant to be stored in the annals of my mind and not paraded across my blog or walls.
I hit Oklahoma just about in time for the sunset.
I love our sunsets. The light goes all purple and the sky lights up in a way that I've never seen in any other place I've ever been. I watched the last of the sun disappear over Quartz Mountain, sent up a prayer of thanks to God for keeping me safe and allowing my poor little car to survive yet another EPIC road trip.
It's good to be home..........for now.
The drive is gorgeous: down I-40 (which is old Rt. 66) and there are some amazing sights to see along the way. Trouble is, damn it, I forgot my camera.
The first place that made me really regret the forgetting was Union Station. Truly, one of the coolest places I saw in L.A. Since all of my friend who live there were still out of town for holiday, I decided I would be thrifty and take public transportation home rather than a VERY expensive taxi. This means I de-planed, caught the Flyaway (city bus) to Union Station, and then grabbed the Metro train to Claremont. Driving from LAX straight to our place in moderate traffic takes anywhere from 1hr to 1:45. In bad traffic, it takes 3 or more hours. It costs an average of $20 in gas. Using public transportation? It took me just under three hours, in RUSH HOUR, and cost me $24. Not bad, folks. PLUS, it was really fun people watching and relaxing while someone else got to cuss as the other drivers and pedestrians (bus driver) and I sat across the aisle from a really sweet midwestern lady visiting her sons on the train. So, after getting off the train in downtown Claremont, I called a Yellow Cab and had JUST enough time to hit up 21 Flavors, this GREAT fro-yo chain, where I snarfed a small Dutch Chocolate with strawberries, banana, and almonds before the driver arrived. All in all, a perfectly delightful trip home.....
and then it kind of hit me. I was only 'home' in Pomona for about the next 48 hrs, just as long as it took me to make sure my car would start, get it packed, and hit the road.
*sigh*
Okay, sure. L.A. will never feel like 'home' to me. But I liked it there. The culture, the people, the pulse of a city....I'm SO glad we lived in the suburbs, but even the 'burbs have a bit of a pulse...
And more than just missing the Getty and the Griffith, I knew I would really miss Marci and Luna and John and Becca and the school and the fabric store and Trader Joe's and the $.99 store and Ikea and Taco Tuesday with $6 movie night. This was my life and my place for half a year. And once again, because it seems to be the fate of artists never to be allowed to settle and make a decent living, I'm starting over. Or rather, because I'm moving home, it feels like I'm back to square one.
It's very bittersweet. But I am SO grateful for the opportunity to have spent that time in L.A. Boy, it was fun while it lasted!
So, with the car packed like a professional (yeah, I've done this a time or three) I hit the road!
The total drive was just over 1200 miles and my total driving time was about 15 hrs. Not too shabby ;-) and yes, I speed just a little.
I LOOOOVE the open road. I love to drive and listen to a good book or some music or just turn the radio off and think. Just...."be". I control it: how fast I go, how much I stop, where I stop, even where I'll end up.
And for weeks now, I've been saying how I was going to stop at the Grand Canyon, because it's only about an hour out of my way and I figured "hey, worth it!" But as I neared the turnoff, I realized something.
I don't want to see it alone.
To explain: I'm smart. I'm independant and pretty sturdy, I have been on my own for a number of years. I'm good at alone. I could, if I chose to, go to any number of dream locations by myself and probably have a damn nice time. But at the end of the day, cheesy or not, I want to have someone who matters to share those experiences with me. I want to hold the hand of someone I love and just stare out over the Canyon and breathe it in. That's how I CHOOSE to experience the Canyon. So, at that moment, in the car, it felt somehow like making that turn would be accepting the idea that everything good in life I would do alone. And just because I COULD do it all alone, doesn't mean I SHOULD do it all alone. And I certainly don't want to. So I inhaled the cold mountain air through the vent and let hope fill me up. With a smile, I drove right by the exit. The Grand Canyon? It's not going anywhere. Me? I have hope and faith that I'm headed in the right direction.
Spent the night in Gallup, NM. Could have driven on further, but I wanted to hit the road bright an early and experience New Mexico in the daylight. It's such a beautiful state. Checked in to my Motel 6, where they left the light on for me, ordered my pizza, checked my emails and then CRINGED as I realized I was being bombarded with the sounds of sex from one room over. Awkward. I turned on my TV and just hoped they were quick about it. It would be funnier, I guess, if this kind of thing didn't happen to me ALL the time. *sigh* But it is a little funny, I admit.
New Mexico the next morning had DEFINITELY been worth the wait! There was still a thin blanket of snow in some places and the ice crystals sparkled over the stones and cacti as I drove by them. It really was breathtaking.
I had lunch at a cafeteria and sat at an enormous table with a huge group of elderly tourists from New York State who were on a bus headed to Vegas. They were super charming and it's one of the better lunches of my life.
Stopped a ways down the road between Albuquerque and Tucumcari at a little gas station rest stop. I won $20 on the keno machine. I never win anything, and what's more, I have no idea how to play keno. I just pushed a bunch of buttons and then hit the one that was flashing. :-) I then bought some Vitamin Water (orange energy, because it's delicious) and took a short hike around the little scenic rest area. Again, I so wish I had remembered my camera! But alas, this trip is meant to be stored in the annals of my mind and not paraded across my blog or walls.
I hit Oklahoma just about in time for the sunset.
I love our sunsets. The light goes all purple and the sky lights up in a way that I've never seen in any other place I've ever been. I watched the last of the sun disappear over Quartz Mountain, sent up a prayer of thanks to God for keeping me safe and allowing my poor little car to survive yet another EPIC road trip.
It's good to be home..........for now.
Monday, January 11, 2010
So...
Do you ever just want to kick your own ass for being an idiot?
I just wrote an ENTIRE blog about something, read it, and decided it was giving too much away. So I deleted it.
Fuck.
Maybe I do need four days of solitary confinement. I'm either the dumbest girl in the world or I'm losing my mind. Or maybe I just LIKE never being enough.
Goddamn it.
I'm sooooooo throwing rocks into the Grand Canyon. Really. That's not a metaphor.
I just wrote an ENTIRE blog about something, read it, and decided it was giving too much away. So I deleted it.
Fuck.
Maybe I do need four days of solitary confinement. I'm either the dumbest girl in the world or I'm losing my mind. Or maybe I just LIKE never being enough.
Goddamn it.
I'm sooooooo throwing rocks into the Grand Canyon. Really. That's not a metaphor.
Meet Presley!
See the one in the middle with the white stripe?
See the off center white spots on his face?
Sooo Littles!!
Sooooo sleepy!!Sunday, January 10, 2010
Wriggly
The gang's all here. ALL SEVEN PUPPIES!!
Sooooooo LITTLES!! AHHHHHH
Look at all the different shades!
He's my favorite!!!
Basking in the sunshine! heeheeTWO DAY OLD PUPPIES!! This is a VERY good thing.....
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Places
Some places carry a memory.
Mostly, I think this is a good thing. I love going back to places that remind me of people I love or good times. I really like seeing where I came from and how it's changing.
Some places, though, carry mixed or bad memories. And that is no bueno.
But I think, even worse than that, some places foster bad behaviors. Being 27 and back in the house where you spent your teenage years really makes you, or me at least, start acting like a teenager again.
I'm sleeping too late, eating really unhealthily, and getting nothing done.
Therefore, YES, I will be making loads of lists, setting goals, making myself take morning walks to get going, and only eating three fried things a week. You're killig me, Oklahoma.
I've got to get past this. It's starting to get to me......
Mostly, I think this is a good thing. I love going back to places that remind me of people I love or good times. I really like seeing where I came from and how it's changing.
Some places, though, carry mixed or bad memories. And that is no bueno.
But I think, even worse than that, some places foster bad behaviors. Being 27 and back in the house where you spent your teenage years really makes you, or me at least, start acting like a teenager again.
I'm sleeping too late, eating really unhealthily, and getting nothing done.
Therefore, YES, I will be making loads of lists, setting goals, making myself take morning walks to get going, and only eating three fried things a week. You're killig me, Oklahoma.
I've got to get past this. It's starting to get to me......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)