Tired? Um....yes.

102 degrees. No sleep. No makeup. Occasional shower.
Exhausted?
You betcha.
LOVING being involved in this kind of work again?
HELL yes.
Until I see pictures like this, that is ;-)

Rattling around in my head

I don't feel like being poetic or profound, so I won't be. I'll be simple.

I'm tired.
Quartz is awesome and I'm loving being surrounded by so much BRILLIANT creative talent. The faculty is amazing, the kids are inspiring, and it makes me jealous as hell of the fact that these are kids who have an actual shot at doing art for a living because people gave a crap about them and told them it was possible. I have two art degrees and only get to be a part time artist. But still, part time is better than not at all, I suppose.
I'm feeling guilty, like I put Pathways on a waaaaay back back burner this week. Pathways should NEVER been treated like that, so I'm taking five minutes of downtime at my office this morning to collect myself and refocus. Part of that is ranting this out.
Two of the coolest women I'm blessed to know got engaged last week. Another one of my friends announced she and her hubby were pregnant. The biggest part of my heart is happy and excited for them. My brother got married on Monday, which is super awesome. (except I couldn't go, but I guess in the long run, that doesn't matter too much). All of these people in and around my life are actually doing the one thing I can't seem to manage: growing up to live normal lives. And again, just like with the kids at camp, I'm jealous as hell.

It's a hard week for me, friends.
I have been completely disrespected by a man I really looked up to for a number of years and then, once again, I've been congratulating people for doing the things that I want most to do in the world (family, love, etc...)
I know that my life is not bad. Of course I know that people are much much worse off than me.
But every so often I just need to stand on a mountain at the top of the world and scream out "I did everything right! I followed all the rules! Why don't I get to be happy?"

Because if I'm honest about it, I'm not happy. Not even close.

So I'll spend today at Pathways, praying like mad that God helps me shake off the resentment that I have toward these kids who broke all of the rules and seem so happy.
And I'll go back to camp and work on my dress for Marci and Brent's wedding in a few weeks.

And I'll do it all knowing that this week, today, in the depths of my heart and soul, I am truly angry at God. Because today I truly don't believe that He never makes mistakes.

Heroes

are not usually the people we invent them to be in our minds.

Bucket List Beginnings

I just kind of randomly decided that I should start keeping an informal running list of "Bucket List" items as they occur to me. So to start...

1. Go to Ireland
2. Go to New Orleans
3. Record a CD
4. Hug Dolly Parton
5. Go to Vatican City
6. Publish a Book
7. Own a B&B
8. Spend an entire summer on a US Roadtrip
9. Belt 'Sweet Caroline' with thousands of others at a Red Sox Game
10. Sing the National Anthem at any sporting event
11. Play a love song on the guitar to someone, play it well, and mean it
12. Get a Doctorate
13. Make love under the stars
14. Design my own house
15. See a show on Broadway
16. Go to the San Francisco Farmer's Market
17. See the Grand Canyon with someone I love
18. Stay the night in a castle
19. Ride in a hot air balloon
20. Live in Alaska

There are and will be TONS more, but this is all stuff I seriously WANT to do, even if it's just once. It's nice sometimes to let your mind wander and think about stuff like this.
AND if you happen to find someone amazing to do all of your bucket list stuff with, it makes it all even sweeter.

Living like Alanis

Irony:

I have two jobs. The first one is where I convince other people to keep and cherish one of the things I want most in the world: I struggle to be loving and non-judgemental in the face of those who would blithely destroy what I would die for.

The second job? I stand apart, behind a small piece of glass, and record the glad times of others. I am an invisible voyeur, a stalker of joy. No one will ever know I was there and yet it is my hand, my eye, that records and displays your happy moments.



I live my life on the coat tails of others.

How am I supposed to feel about that?

Liz and D's wedding blog

CLICK HERE