Off to see the Wizard....

Some of the awesome fireworks at Tom Brown on July 4th, 2008

The Fourth of July is one of my favorite holidays.

Fireworks make me incredibly happy, especially the super sparkly ones that look like stars, which are my favorite thing.

I was thankful to spend a relaxed evening outdoors with friends and just breathe some clean air and sit for two hours on a blanket without a single other thing on my mind. This does not seem to happen that often for me. My mind is always racing with a hundred things (as certain friends of mine like to point out) and there are days it seems I have a tough time relaxing.

*sigh*

This is something I'm working on. It seems that while I'm a hopelessly klutzy juggler with little red balls, I'm quite good at juggling 'life' stuff. Too good, actually. I end up with too many balls in the air a lot. My joke is that I have a speech impediment--I can't say "No." :) Unfortunately, it's less of a joke than a pathology.

I wonder what it is that makes me stay in overdrive all the time? Hm....curiouser and curiouser.

I mean, I genuinely enjoy being busy. I do. I also enjoy going the extra mile to help people out or make them smile. But sometimes I'm finding myself busy just for the sake of being busy. This keeps my mind occupied. I like that my mind is full, I enjoy learning and creating. The problem is this: do I keep my mind so full of other people and other things that I never have time to know and spend time with myself?

Hmmmm.

There's a great Superchick song that goes
She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone,
feels like its all coming down

She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear,
the tears will not stop raining down

[CHORUS] So stand in the rain Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering
if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from
wants to give up and lie down.

[CHORUS] So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found You stand in the rain

This sentiments expressed so well in this song (which I have been working on with God for a few weeks now), combined with the fact that I'm reading yet another AMAZING book by John Eldridge called "Waking the Dead" basically leads me to the following resolution:

I will say 'no.' I will make time for myself. I will take care of myself with the same tenacity that I take care of others. I will spend time doing what makes me happy. I will learn to relax. I will surround myself with the people who love me back.

I have somehow managed to lose myself, as the song says. I have hardened my heart without realizing it or intending to. Like the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz, I was so busy that when my heart turned to tin I didn't notice. Well, I'm noticing now and fighting back. I'm off to see the Wizard.

I'm claiming Ezekiel 36:26 which says:

"Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh."

So basically, I'm planning a lot more nights like the Fourth of July. I'm making a list of things I love, but I may need the help of some of you guys to remember the good things I've been skipping out on....
Okay, bad shot design, but hey.....it's a snapshot. Me and Ryan at Tom Brown on the 4th.


Brent, Marci, and Diana playing MARBLES!! Also at Tom Brown on the 4th.