To those we love who have gone on

Today is the anniversary of my dad's death.

There are days throughout the year that make me miss him more, and this, most certainly, is one of them.

Mostly I miss my little girl idea of him: the sound of his boots on the floor, him tricking me into eating calf fries by telling me they were chicken nuggets, me snuggled with him and my big bro splitting one gigantic bowl of cereal.....

I'm sad that I never got to know him as a grown up. People say I'm a talker like he was. I kind of have the shape of his eyes. But periodically, I wonder about what all we missed out on: what would we have faught about when I was a teenager? What kinds of inside jokes would we have? Would he be totally bald yet? Would I roll my eyes with indulgent embarassment because he insists on wearing his 80s short shorts out in the summer?

It's a bittersweet guessing game at best, but for those of us left behind, it's the best we can do for now. So I'll say 'I miss ya, Dad. And for all of the fights we would have had and all of the jokes we would have shared, I guess I'll just never really know. But I am looking forward to splitting a bowl of cereal with you when I see you again ;-)'