A few years ago it really struck me (while watching Jesus Christ, Superstar! of all things) because of this rather brilliantly written song:
I don't know how to love him.
What to do, how to move him.
I've been changed, yes really changed.
In these past few days, when I've seen myself,
I seem like someone else.
I don't know how to take this.
I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man. He's just a man.
And I've had so many men before,
In very many ways,
He's just one more.
Should I bring him down?
Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love,
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Don't you think it's rather funny,
I should be in this position.
I'm the one who's always been
So calm, so cool, no lover's fool,
Running every show.
He scares me so.
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Yet, if he said he loved me,
I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.
I'd turn my head. I'd back away.
I wouldn't want to know.
He scares me so.
I want him so.
I love him so.
This song is so interesting to me because it really MUST be how she felt. I mean, this is a woman who had a PAST and had used and been used by more than her fair share of men. She had no way of knowing or believing right away that Jesus was who He said He was: the Christ, the Son of God. She must have been expecting Him to be like any other man in her experience. When she began to see and to be attracted to the God within Him, it had to have thrown her for a loop. She must have wanted to love him in the best and only way she knew how and it must have tangled her up inside to have to figure out how to love Jesus in a more appropriate and healthy way.
Any girl who has ever loved a boy who didn't love her back knows this drill. It hurts, and it embarasses, and it angers. It perplexes and casts doubt on who you are the beautiful heart within you. It bruises and tears. Now imagine that the boy who makes you feel all of these things is also the only Man who can HEAL them. VERY TRICKY.
Mary Magdalene was a tough broad, and there's no doubt about it. But she was also a tender woman with a wounded heart and a fierce (if not always clear cut) love of her Savior.
The lesson here is simple: Jesus never asks us to be anything other than who and what we are. We don't have to dress up for Him or be smarter or better or anything at all. He simply asks that we love Him as best we can and with all of the sincerity of our hearts. If we love Him at our best, His PERFECT LOVE understands and heals us so that He may gently lead us to become the women and men that we were created to be. So come, whore and liar, gossip and harridan. Come cheater and murderer, come you who are lustful and gluttonous......
Love as you CAN, not as you think you SHOULD. Jesus will take care of the rest.
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