On the Final Day of 2009

I think I heard in a movie once that sometimes it's easier to know who you aren't than who you are.

I am not:

where I thought I would be ten years ago.
gainfully employed.
unhappy.
happy.
always as kind as I could be.
always able to stand up for myself when people cross lines.
somebody's person.
satisfied.
living a life that is boring.
predictable.
as wise as I think Iam.
the girl he chose.
foolish.
living in LA.
settling.
throwing in the towel.

I'm very much over 2009. I learned more than most and I have the scars to prove it. I've watched people I care for go through a lot of crap. I've been handed my share of that crap, too. I've gone on a very great adventure and met some amazing people, so I will never regret 2009. I simply cannot say that I am sad to see it go.

Here's hoping for health and wellness and some goddamn JOY in 2010 for me, you, and every good person who got shafted this last year.

No resolutions. Just.............peace and joy.

White Christmas

Anybody want a snowball?

The fenceline at the back of the family property

The wind made these really beautiful swirls and drifts

Round bales of wheat sitting at the edge of the farm

More bales of wheat

The road in front of our house

My step dad's old 18Wheeler

These are just a random few pics that I took today during my one hour romp in the lovely snow!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

the free headboard project

random old ceiling tile.

old piece of batting.

old piece of black fabric.

white paint from craft paint box.

old piece of red fabric.

scissors.

spray adhesive.

45 minutes later?

Queen Size Bed wall art/headboard thingy. Hey, works in a pinch.

It sucks...

when people you love are sad and you can't fix it. :(

Sometimes Lyrics are Perfect.

Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause i cant continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times
My memory is cruelIm queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn i'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only i had been listening
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and meAlways between the lines
Between the lines
I thought i thought i was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So i've learned to listen through silence
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me be
You and me always be
I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me i'm almost readyWhen he meant let go
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and meAlways beYou and me
Always between the lines

-Sara Bareilles, Between the Lines.

For Steve

I don't even care: I would still TOTALLY shop here.

I would only eat here for the sheer hilarity.

Why yes, that IS a pimped out reindeer ride.

A: someone made this sticker. B: someone shimmied up a pole to put it here. Welcome to Claremont.

Yeah..........took me a minute to figure this one out......

Pardon my French....

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Emo Ramble

You ever have a realization about your life that punches you in the gut?

Yeah.

27.

Trying to figure out what's broken. What's wrong with me?

Rhetorical.


Home in ten days.

Intentions

I've been thinking about what it means when someone says something like "I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention."

So what are intentions? The free dictionary says that an intention is a course of action you intend to follow; an aim that guides an action.

Okay, then. So your intentions are the target that you are aiming for. So when someone says to you "I'm sorry you were hurt, that's not what I was aiming for" the question becomes, what were you aiming for?

And does it even matter?

Murder without premeditation does not leave the victim any less dead. So why are the penalties automatically lessened when murder wasn't your intention? Isn't a life lost either way? Sure, that's an extremest point of view, but what I'm getting to is this:

Intentions are only as good as your omniscience. If you are not all knowing, all seeing, and all present, your intentions are only guided by the tiny sliver of understanding that you have, usually only pertaining to yourself. Since you are unable to truly comprehend the impact you will have on another person, all intention, by the nature of human understanding, is selfish.

Therefore, the next time someone who has fucked up epically has the balls to actually say "I'm sorry you were hurt, that was never my intention," I firmly believe that person should be junk punched, after which the puncher should say "Oh, I'm sorry you were hurt. My intention was only to make myself feel better."

Bitter? Maybe. But also funny as hell.

Trippin'

La la land, gingerbread, sweaters

Gingerbread Village

Architects at work...

Jess and Luna on Acid

Jess and Marci in line for New Moon!!

Celebrating after Marci's first meeting with her producer! At the Elephant Bar

Interesting Mural in Old Pasadena's Forever 21

*sigh*

It doesn't seem fair that people can hurt you more than once in the same way. There should be some kind of rule that prevents it.

Trip Pics coming soon.

Creepy Neighbor Fail

Because it Matters

Because THEY matter.

And because we cannot forget.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/11/06/fort.hood.shootings.victims/index.html

The suspect is in custody at a Medical Facility where he has been told he has permanent paralysis. Apparently, he has no feeling from the chest down and limited feeling in his arms.
He will remain in custody until his trial as the military justice system has no bail.
His lawyer seems concerned about where they will keep him once he is released from the hospital.

Don't worry, Sir. No member of the US Military or any of it's dependants will harm your client. He is a pitiful, paralyzed man who deserves to lay in a room and think about the thirteen lives he's stolen from this earth until he has his hour in court. And let me assure you, Sir, it will be a brief hour, and then justice will be done.

Nothing will ever fully atone for the good people he so arrogantly ended, but even his dispicable act will not strip from us our humanity. Justice will be done according to the laws of this great nation, and not the petty whims of petulant fanatics.

As the details of this tragic day emerge, I pray fervently that your client does not intend to use his faith as a reason for his inexcusable actions. And tell him that his own people are disgusted and broken hearted at what he has chosen to become.

Peace be with all of us who desire it and work toward it, and God bless the brave men and women of the US Military, the civilians who support them, and the dependants of both.

No Bueno

Too many old dreams.
Restless night, old fears.
I just want to bundle up and sleep for days.

Bacio means Kiss

Fabulous Gelato in Old Pasadena!

Two things: Nick's face is hilarious in this because he looks like 'wth?' and MY face is hilariously squished. So....yeah. Apparently this is what I look like when I kiss......and CLEARLY this is why I'm single! HAHAHA

I LOVE my Nicholas!!

I also LOVE my Justin!

Luna's like "Put me DOWN, biatch! I will smack you!"

One Fine Night in LA County....

Marci gave me this a while back. It's a zoom in of the face of Mary Magdalene. Marci says she's not a good artist. I call bullshit. This is beautiful.

My friend Becca modeling a scarf that came out REALLY good that I made for Jill and will send this week.

Close up of warm scarf with embroidery-why yes, I DOhave flannel sheets on my bed, and yes they are grey and green. Wanna fight about it?

My room: Yup: cords everywhere and a desk that could use a little cleaning off....

Where I sleep, read, draw, work on my laptop, wrestle with Luna....etc. I am Class of 2001 (high school) 2005 (college) and, as noted in that throw, 2008 (Master's).

This is our living room. Notice the two funky 50s barstools? We call them Molly and Arthur. And yes, our futon IS orange, thank you. and YES, we have an exercise bike directly between the dining area and the living room. This pic is taken from the dinner table. Also, the monkey on the floor? That's Neville: he's Luna's boyfriend.

Close up of our tree (It's about 2 1/2' tall and on our dining table)

Stockings! Jess, Marci, Luna, Brent, Lily

Tita, Marci, Luna

Beautiful Girls!!

Marci and Luna-Gorgeous, aren't they??

Is she Martha Cecilia......or Martha Stewart?!?!

Mmmmm....Confetti cupcakes with chocolate frosting and orange sprinkles....THANKS, MARCI!!

Random snapshots of another chill night with lovely folks....

So...

I'm abandoning real life to live in the land of LOST.

Seriously. I might move there and build a hut. Next to Sayid's. Or Jack's.

I could totally help Sun garden and babysit Aaron for Claire.

Yeah, definitely getting LOST.

Pretty

Marci's Mary. Latern.

Material Girl

This is where I work part time: pushing upholstery and drapery.

"Big Y"